I vowed,"It's Never My Turn"

I recently faced in my own prayer counseling session how deep the inner-vow “It’s never my turn” was buried in my heart and eventually became “It’s never going to be my turn”. Phew, I’m tired after that amazing session that dug deep down into the roots of that foundational lie from early childhood. Though not unusual for a middle child to feel invisible, this wound cut even deeper into my validity i.e.: a state of feeling official.

Figuring my turn would eventually come, I waited and busied my self with loving others. I didn't realize I had also been busy resenting others, which built a heart full of bitter roots in me. When my turn didn't come, my heart grew deeper into agreement with the lie that even God didn’t think I was worth enough to have my dreams and ideas come to life. Though my head believed God loved me into existence, my heart retained the lie that I needed to earn the right to take my turn at life. Unredeemed wounds, lies and sin provided fertile ground for the adversary to replace God's appointment of me with ungodly sacrificial waiting.

I knew the only way for my heart to come into right agreement with God the Father again was to come to the Cross. As each vow was renounced in the name of Jesus Christ, and as I came out of agreement with each lie, my heart began to sing. And as I confessed, repented and forgave those things He quickened to my spirit, truth was restoring and I could feel my heart rise up. I could feel color come back to my heart and aliveness. Then I heard my Heavenly Father whisper the most amazing thing … “It’s always been your turn” and whispered it twice again.

Wow, it had always been my turn but the fallen world had knocked God’s truth out of me. The Cross would be my miracle cure once again.

I’m so grateful to my prayer counselor for facilitating an overdue honest conversation between me and my Father, for taking me to His Cross and for helping restore my fractured view of His intentional love for me.

My friend, God knows your name. He wants to bless you in your identity as valuable and significant. It's your turn. As a matter of fact, it's always been your turn. You just forgot. You see, sometime early in life, His truth was stolen from your heart. But truth is not enough to restore a fractured self-identity, we need to talk to the Father and know His heart for us. A good prayer counselor will help take you to Him and facilitate that talk. Let me know if I can help. jt